The looming influence - short story

Pradip woke up with a start. He was sweating. It was the same dream again. He had barely completed three questions out of eight when the bell rang. He was begging the invigilator to give him just 2 more minutes to complete one more question so that he could at least get passing marks. It was dark in his room, but he could still see the outline of the angry invigilator across the room. He sat there, breathing heavily, trying to figure out the outline. Then it dawned. The invigilator looked like his father. But with a heavy moustache - his father was clean shaven - and a bigger mouth with rotten teeth within, probably due to chewing of Gutkha or paan. 

Two years ago, he wanted to take arts. It was his father, a government clerk, who forced him to take science. 

"No one in their right mind takes arts. Science will make you an engineer, doctor and what not." Father was shouting at Pradip one morning. 

He continued, "With arts, you will end up as a primary school teacher if you are lucky. It’s so humiliating to have a useless son. Look at Mr Batra’s son...what is his name...Vikas. He has got a job with Infosys after competing his engineering and going to America. And look at you."

Pradip stared down at his toenails. 

‘Leave the poor boy alone.  Let him study arts. He loves to write. Let him be a journalist.’ Pradeep’s mother intervened. 

‘You shut up and don’t interfere in this. Keep to your kitchen unless you want a slap from me.’

His mother walked away. Father didn’t like being countered. 

He heard his mother being beaten by her father on that night, and the next day Pradip enrolled for science. 

Pradip hated maths. The classes seemed like eternity. The syllabus seemed incomprehensible. He felt desolate and lost. It was as if he was left on an island with choppy sea all around, without any means to escape. He knew that he would fail if he didn’t do something about it fast. 

Pradip was not scared of failing at the exams. It was his father he feared. And he feared what would happen to his mother if he failed. 

‘It’s all your fault’ The father would scream at the mother. 

Pradip dreaded every waking moment of his life. The math teacher had already given up on students like him, who were relegated to the last benches to fend for themselves. The exam was still two months away, and Pradip knew that he had no choice but to move to arts the next year. 

Pradip was thirsty now. He went to the kitchen and switched on the lights. His mother was sobbing. Pradip hugged her. 

"Everything will be alright Amma." He said

"For all the bad man that he was, I still miss your father Pradip." Amma replied between her sobs. 

The photo of his father on the wall looked down upon them. 

Fitness and investments - Keeping them simple

I have come to realise, over a period of time, the importance of simplicity in workouts and investments. 

After lot of trial and error, I have realised that for me, when it comes to working out in a gym the following works out the best:

Squats, Benchpress, Deadlifts, Power cleans, Shoulder presses and chin ups. 

I just basically rotate the above set of exercises on the days I visit the gym. No Smiths, assists or Nautilus. Just the heavy bar and weights. 3 sets of three of the above and I am done. Squats are the mainstay and the workhorse to keep the core strong and posture correct. It doesn't take more than 45 minutes for me to wind up my workout once I am warmed up. Keeps me in shape, and improves my strength, when I am regular. Gets me back into shape in the fastest way if I am out of workout due to some reason.

A similar approach goes with my investments too. 

I have a workhorse in an exchange traded index fund of NIFTY. I put a major chunk of my equity investments in NIFTYBEES. A second part of my investment in equity goes into tax saving long term fund. I have zeroed in on Axis long term equity growth fund where a 3 year lock in period gives me tax savings. Over a period of time I have realized that there are very few mutual funds that beat benchmark returns. The probability of me ending up with such a fund is an additional factor adding to risk. Therefore, I have given up on that search and have settled for index fund as workhorse. For retirement savings, I contribute to New Pension Scheme (NPS). Tier I is mandatory due to my employers choice. I have an additional Tier II NPS account where I pour in some more money from time to time as it gives me a higher equity mix and thus relatively better returns. NPS, by default, goes into bond heavy equity light mode in Tier I for me. The investment is usually into sovereign backed instruments providing heavier protection.
And NPS Tier II also acts as a parking place for any short term funds. Rather than paying management fee to mutual fund houses, I part my short term funds at NPS Tier II. It charges almost no management fee and withdrawal doesn't attract any exit load. It beats any hybrid mutual fund out there in this aspect.
With the above, I seldom tweak them during the year. I have a look at the them from time to time, and every time I do, I realize that the simplicity of things still holds the key to better performance. 

I have gained the above knowledge after a lot of burning fingers in hot stocks and tips. And various injuries that took months to recover. It might help someone. Advise is free, risk is yours. 

The Schrodinger's panchayat

Panchayat is smallest unit of administration at village level. 

Panchayat is like Schrodinger's cat. Unless you observe, the Panchayat may both be working and not. Under observation of higher ups, it appears to work. For public, it appears to not work (at least to their satisfaction). 

But technology helps. Vigilant public helps. RTI helps. They ensure that the box has a camera and the cat cannot be both alive and dead. 

A challenge in public policy is, how do you put a camera in all the boxes of public service administration. I have installed cameras in my office. Seems that the cat is more alive than dead. How do I know? 

The other day I was shown a rat that was caught in my office!

shrinking jacket expanding universe

I put the Jockey jacket into the washing machine. I had bought the washing machine during the recent sale on amazon.com. While the jacket was engulfed in the whirlpool of soapy bubbles, the universe, along with all the objects in it, scaled up by 1.5. The jacket inside the whirlpool survived. I didn't realise. I now wear a jacket that's 2/3rd it's original size. I blame Jockey. Jockey blames the washing machine. You decide. 

Pointers for GRE preparation for those who have lost touch

I have been out of regular college since 2002 except for a management course in 2011 for a year. Therefore, when I decided to apply for a masters (a kind of mid career option) that mandated GRE, it was a tough ask for me. However, given that I was mustering up for a tough masters I thought I would as well see if I am up to it. I managed a 164/170 in verbal, 169/170 in quant and a 5.5 in AWA with a couple of months of irregular preparation which gathered pace during the last two weeks when I took three weekdays off from my office. During this period I took the official mock exams too, to practice and time GRE better. 

While the scores could have been better, I am reasonably satisfied.

When I started my preparation, most of the advise on the internet appeared as if they were written for 20 year olds. For those in the same boat as mine, here are some pointers. 

Quant for GRE

If you are out of college for some time your quant skills would have got rustier than you would believe. What you might have solved in 30 seconds, you might now take a minute, and yet get it wrong. It might be that bad. Unless you practice. Being an engineer, my math skills were good once upon a time. The nature of my job in the initial years involved math. However, for many years my job has hardly anything to do with any kind of mathematics except probably addition and subtraction, that too on excel.

The books I did of quant:

1. Official guide to GRE and Quant for GRE by ETS

2. Manhattan series books (6 of them) 

3. Magoosh online course

The Magoosh online practice really helped me. It mimics the online interface of ETS. You have more than 600 questions and by the end of it all, you would have recalled the concepts well. The good thing is, if you get a question wrong, it suggests the relevant videos to watch in order to clarify the concept. I have seen couple of Khan academy videos too. Had I not gone with Magoosh, I would probably have depended on Khan videos, they are equally good and free.

I kept the official quant practice questions by ETS towards the end. The last four days I did only official ETS material. I later threw in two more of their mock exams (PowerPrepPLUS) as I felt I would need them. One advantage of being out of school for long is that you might now have money to afford them. The manhattan series book comes with some online tests which are good for practice, but they may give widely varying scores.
One approach towards wrong questions that helped me: when I went wrong with a question, I compulsorily spent few minutes to understand it, even if it was a silly mistake. I pored over it till I was sure that I would not be repeating it. 

Verbal for GRE

For verbal, it was a different case altogether. My vocabulary had improved over years due to constant reading of good quality material, including The Economist, which is my weekly staple. I didn't have to do much. However, I used the following material for Verbal section:

1. Official guide to GRE and Verbal for GRE by ETS

2. Manhattan series - only cursorily

3. Magoosh online practice questions

4. Online apps on the phone by Magoosh for vocabulary - whenever I found time

I struggled initially with Reading comprehension in most places, except the official version of the books/practice. It appears to me that most of the online material as well as unofficial book writers have got something wrong. The RC questions in these places, especially the inference and reasoning ones would fox you and their explanations are hardly any good. My suggestion would be, for those who already read a lot, to just stick to the official material. It might be fewer questions, but it would give you better insight into the dynamics of RC than hundreds of unofficial practice questions elsewhere. For those who are not in the habit of reading, one may go through questions for practice and to increase speed of reading. For text completion and sentence equivalence, two things matter. One, good vocabulary, and second, ability to decipher the sentence based on keywords used. This needs practice. A hundred or so questions would give a good hang if you already have your vocabulary right.

AWA for GRE

Analytical writing analysis consists of an issue and an argument task, each to be completed in half an hour. In the issue task, it is mainly about writing as long as possible in half an hour, covering both/multiple sides of the given issue as asked by the prompt, and making sense while you type away on that keyboard. Minimizing spelling and grammar errors help. I discovered that this trick helped me. I typed out around 750 +/- 50 words in my practice essays. I had purchased a subscription to ETS ScoreitNow software which is basically a machine grader for the essay. The diagnostic service that comes along does a decent job of pointing out the direction that one needs to take.
The argument task is basically about nitpicking the holes in the argument. You should sound graduate level while you do so. ETS ScoreitNow and official guide would be sufficient for a reasonably intelligent person who can write.

Official Power Prep mock tests for GRE

Two power prep mock exams come complimentary when you register. I bought two additional ones after I realized that this is the only official predictor of where one stands. Other mock exams I took gave me widely fluctuating results from one test to the next and I lost hope in them. My performance on them was as follows

PowerPrep 1:           14 days before exam:  V 158, Q 162

PowerPrep 2:           10 days before exam:  V 160, Q 163

PowerPrep plus 1:   06 days before exam:  V 166, Q 162

PowerPrep plus 2:   01 day  before exam:   V166, Q 167

Actual GRE:                                            :   V164, Q 169

I started working with only official material towards the last four to five days to exam. Didn't study more than 3 hours in addition to the mocks.

As per GRE Diagnostic tool available on the account after few days, I had: 

Got 6 questions wrong in section 1 of Verbal
Got 4 questions wrong in section 2 of Verbal
So a total of 10 wrongs out of 40 for a score of 164 in Verbal
(Had an experimental verbal section too for which no diagnosis was provided)

Got 1 question each wrong in both sections of Quant. 
So a total of 2 wrongs out of 40 for a score of 169 in Quant

Shaking whey over the files

"One full scoop sir?" Hitesh was aghast. 

"Yes, and then add the milk and some ice, like this" I was showing him how to fix the whey protein shake for me. That was an added responsibility over his task to ensure that I drink a glass of water every hour. His actual job was to wait over me, fetch and carry the files, control the entry to my room, and do sundry errands whenever I press the bell. A relic of the colonial times which has spilt over to this century, I am given a peon, who waits over me and carries the files and the bag in the evening. While the word peon has been replaced by a respectable word called 'Multi tasking staff', the work profile may include myriad things, like fixing my protein shake. 

So now, visitors to my room see a funny sight during mid morning. A protein shake is fixed and shaken in full view, then kept on my table, usually over the files. As I sip and work and talk to visitors, I also end up preaching goodness of eating (and drinking) well to sundry Gujjus of Ahmedabad, who in turn tell me about the goodness of their chaas, the local buttermilk. 

At times, I offer them the drink too, which almost everyone has declined till now. I discovered the reason. Apparently Hitesh has popularized my protein shake as "Sir's Bournvita" to the curious onlookers, and apparently Bournvita is known in this part as children's drink. 

Babuwala sapna

कल रात मैंने सपना देखा,
एक कर्मठ  बाबूवाला सपना देखा
सपने में फाइलों का समंदर देखा
गत्ते की नैया में कलम की पतवार लिए
मैं केवट और वो विस्तार अपार

फाइलें ही फाइलें  फाइलें ही फाइलें
कहीं नोट शीट, कहीं डाक डाक
कहीं उड़ते पन्ने, कहीं गाँठ गाँठ
कहीं दिखती फाइलें कहीं गुप्त गुप्त
कहीं तीव्र फाइलें  कहीं सुप्त सुप्त
कहीं बोलती फाइलें कहीं चुप्प चुप्प
कई फाइलें कर दें क्षितिज लुप्त

मैं डर गया, फेक दी कलम की पतवार
हे तारणहार तू ही कर मेरी नैया पार
मुझसे नहीं होता ये फाइलों का व्यहार
ये सी बी आई, ये सी ए जी का तकरार
कहकर मैं कुरुक्षेत्र देखे अर्जुन की तरह
बिलख बिलख टूट पड़ा
कलम मेरे हाथों से छूट पड़ा

उस समय उस फाइल सागर की गहराईयों से कहीं
क्षुब्ध सी एक छोटी फाइल निकली और  कही
देखो वीर इस सागर से न डर,
तू हार गया अगर आज इधर
तो मुझे कौन सम्हालेगा
अगर यु पी एस सी पास करनेवाला
इन फाइलों से यूँ घबराएगा
तो देश का क्या हो जाएगा.

मैंने देखा उस फाइल को ध्यान से
क्षुब्ध फाइल को सहलाया प्यार से
अपनी हिम्मत जोड़ी और  उठा ली कलम की पतवार
बोला हे तारणहार दे हाथ तो मैं भी हो जाऊँ आज पार
मेरी पर्सनल फाइल रो रही है,
क्षुब्ध होकर सागर में खो रही है,
चलो इसी की खोज में शुरू करता हूँ

ज़ोर ज़ोर से पतवार चलायी,
प्यारी फाइल को गुहार लगायी
वो दिखती न थी, पर हिम्मत न हारी
मैं बलिहारी, ज़ोर से चप्पू मारी
तभी पड़ा एक थप्पड़ ज़ोर से,
अर्धांगनी ने थी दे मारी
सारा दिन तो फाइल फाइल करते हो
रातों में भी सबकी नींद हराम करते हो

मैं सो गया
कहीं फाइल सागर भी लुप्त हो गया

Google navigation directions in india

And the Google navigation voice said, "Turn north after 100 meters" and after some time it directed me to "Turn east into 80 feet road" 

I am in Bangalore, the silicon valley of India. The directions are never told in terms of east, west north and south. If I tell anyone asking for directions to turn east after some distance, she would think I am nuts. We don't follow directions that way here. We just say turn right or left after a landmark or distance. 

Where I lived in US, at the Salt Lake City, the directions were mostly in terms of east, west, north and south. If you live at 300S, 200W it precisely meant that, the intersection of roads that are marked 300 meters south of reference point (a mormon Temple in this case) and 200 meters west. The roads were marked that way too. The navigation could have easily guided anyone by asking to turn south if one is travelling 200 west road at correct point. 

Here we live in a country where cities are not planned that way at all. Except probably Chandigarh where the roads connecting sectors are perpendicular, and even there I doubt if they use the E,W,N,S convention. They may prefer turning left after shopping complex of sector x. 

Advise to Google maps/navigation: Just stick to basic turn left right and continue ahead. E,W,N,S just doesn't make sense here. 

Knowing a cop

Upamanyu Chatterjee's character in one of his novels when asked for reason to join civil services, replies:

"Because within the civil service, one is likelier to know somebody who knows somebody who knows somebody who knows a cop. Or so I believed eight years ago. Now that I am wiser, I know that the government can fuck you up bad, even if you are part of it - unless you suck, suck, suck. The civil servant can fellate with the best of them. I say, sir, can we roll another joint?"

I believed that the nested somebodies in the sentence gets longer for people who are not in Indian Police Service. Yours truly being in Indian Trade Service, I thought that two or three somebodies coming in between was normal to reach the right cop.

I once tried to help a friend, a PhD in engineering, who was beaten right outside his home by local goons, and his wife roughed up in front of children when she tried protecting her husband. I met everyone from local inspector to ACP and to the DCP, a fine 2004 batch IPS. I failed to get the FIR registered, despite the 2004 batch shouting at his underlings to take immediate action. The local goons who had roughed up were apparently close to the local MLA and there appeared little that could be done. My friend resigned to his fate, sold his independent home and moved into a gated apartment complex. I thought then that probably if I was in Indian Police Service, I could have helped him a little better.
I realise that I was wrong like the character in Chatterjee's novel, after reading this piece by R K Raghavan, a former CBI director and a very respected cop, in The Hindu today (full article link: http://www.thehindu.com/todays-paper/tp-opinion/the-mystery-of-police-reform/article17431239.ece):

Knowing a cop doesn't help

The queer fever bump on the slope to fitness

Fitness exists in a plateau for me. When I am not very fit, or downright unfit, and not working out for months, I consider myself on an unfit flat plane. I kind of like this state too. Its drifty, peaty, lazy and floaty in nature. I have relaxed mornings, with long coffees, and relaxed evenings with single malts. I know that one day I will rise from this slumber and start working out, and get fit. I have been through many such cycles in last 20 years to know that it shall happen. I am, by nature, not a long term unfit kind of person. 

Then one fine day, long after my paunch has given up embarrassing the newer holes in the belt, I get to working out. My fitness level improves and I fall sick. Random fever types. If I give up at this point, I come back to unfit plane, and if I don't, I continue to higher fitness levels till I plateau. The fitness plateau. I am fit in this plane. My mornings are crisp with a stronger shot of black, and evenings are either abstinence or a single shot. The body disciplines itself to control the diet. 

Then the cycle takes its turn. The reason changes every time for the journey down the slope, but I do climb down after staying at the plateau for some time. On my way down, I encounter another round of fever or illness. With same effects and consequence. 

I find it queer that both up and down the slope there is an illness bump. I cross it both ways. Every time.  I recently crossed it on the way up. 

And as I grow older, I see the cycles taking longer to repeat. The slope is getting flatter, and the plateau on the top is getting closer to the flat plane below. 

Raddiwala

Five labourers were tearing the files in the corridor when I alighted the lift on the 6th floor of Kendriya sadan. I had instructed the incharge to ensure that the tearing of old files begins early in the morning so that the activity is completed by afternoon. Old audited files in government offices need to be weeded out at regular intervals. Files are torn or shredded before being sent out of office as a matter of security and protocol. I stopped by to see the progress. The labourers were too busy to look at me. Their entire focus was on the tearing activity. The binders were being separated, the thread tags with sharp pins were to be avoided while they tore on the pages lest the pins injured the hands. 

 

The activity of watching the files being torn is cathartic. Mounds of torn papers were getting built and tumbled down every few minutes. The process looked similar to the sand mounds that grow inside an hourglass and tumble down under their own weight when the height increases beyond what the gravity can hold. The binders were thrown separate. 

At some point in the history of time, these files would have commanded respect. They carried an application, with supporting documents, and were moved from table to table where each step of the file was recorded in a movement diary.  The interested parties followed the case till the intended benefit was obtained. Prices might have been set for each movement and people might have obtained their little illegal gratifications. Or not. After processing, the files were sent to records section, where they were audited by the audit teams years later. Once clear, they were marked for destruction and waited out their mandatory waiting time as mentioned in some government circular. Years later, they are brought out for destruction. The binders between which the papers existed are stripped out, the papers themselves torn into twos or fours, loaded into gunny sacks, transported on trucks to some distant pulping mill where they are further processed to become what they once were. Pulp. 

The security asked me if they need to tear the files into two pieces or four. I told him to ensure that the files are torn in enough pieces to avoid usage. Two would do as long as it is done properly. The security explained the same to the leader of the labourers in Tamil. The labourers were relieved that their work has decreased a bit. The leader among them stood up and smiled at me. It took some time but I recognised him. 

Anand was a raddiwala who dealt in old papers. He had a small shop at the 80 feet road on Koramangala in Bangalore and he had tied up with some distant pulping mill at Hosur. He had come last time around 2 years ago when I had destroyed an older batch of files. He had not changed much, except that he had grown a beard now. 

'Hi Anand, how are you?' I asked

'Very well saar'

'So what have you been doing? How's the business?' 

'Same saar. Going ok'

'Are you at the same place where you were two years ago?'

'Yes saar. Where shall I go saar?' 

'hmmm'

'What about you saar?' 

'Same Anand. I am at the same place. Where shall I go too?'

Anand smiled and got back to work. 

I walked back to my cabin. As I sat back on my chair, I looked around. I was at the same place. Doing same things, day after day, for the last two years and more. The routine had set into me so well that I had not noticed the time slipping by. 

'Where shall I go too Anand?' 

I smiled and picked up the first file on my table for the day. It was new, with binder, and contained freshly printed application pages between them.